i have thought about suicide but never actually carried out with it. My inner strength is too strong to kill myself. MY friends depend on me. I cant kill that. I really need help though. I’ve had depression for about 1.25 years and now its just getting to the point where all i do is cry. half an hour in the shower and about an hour or so before i sleep. Maybe longer. It has taken over my life that i have begun to hate dance [was once my passion], hate school..i use to love it and get all A’s..now im getting D’s and C’s and stuff, I have low self-esteem and cant concentrate. I’m basically about to collapse. I have no clue what to do about this. I havent had a true smile for over an year and its truely killing me inside. I FEEL like a lifeless piece of crap walking around. I dont know what to do. I rather not go to a doctor and talk to them. Is there any way to get internet help? perhaps a way to talk to a psycologist/ psyciatrist online and see what is really wrong with me. 🙁 im dying
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You do not have to be suicidal to have major depression. Forget online anything. Who knows what you are getting on the other end of cyberland. Besides, the benefit of therapy is all about the in person relationship.
If you are in school, take advantage of the counseling and medical services available there. You can try therapy alone, but that’s going to be a long road. It is the right road, but given the length of time, you would be better off taking medication as well.
Whether you realize it or not, withdrawing is a symptom of depression. Fear of getting help is another. Self-blame is a big one, too. Embarassment is something that goes with first realizing that anyone has a mental health issue. But ya know what, all doctors know it’s a neurological illness, not a personality trait nor a character flaw. Sounds like you’ve suffered more than enough. Take a deep breath and reach out. Help is available. You just have to ask – and that is by far the hardest step. Or, look at it another way. Your depression sounds like it’s been a steady journey down. You can always wait until you are suicidal, act, maybe succeed, or maybe end up on a lock ward for a while. Seems now by choice is a healthier, more proactive move. But hey, it’s only the rest of your life at stake.